light shoulders

As every day of autumn passes,

Something that was weighing heavy on my shoulders 

floats away

I expect by winter I will be as light as a feather,

Drift up the air and then come down
with the snow to break my fall

here

here is a memory
holding your breath under the water
sending bubbles to the surface like messengers
chlorine burning open eyes and wrinkly finger tips

here is a moment
talking until you fell asleep
waking up with someone to tell your dreams to
sleeping bags and whispered secrets

here is a mystery
rushing towards something but not knowing what
knowing the future is always one step ahead
worried nights and favorite daydreams

summer night

I. 

It was the first night of summer and her skin itched with the mosquito bites she hadn't gotten yet. It was the last night of summer and her mind itched for new possibilities. She never understood why they didn't celebrate the end of August the way they did the end of December, with fireworks and music and kisses at midnight. This part always felt like a more fitting time for resolutions, this was the true new year. This time, summer had gotten an extension of sorts, a deadline delayed, a few extra weeks of limbo that hardly counted, really, because they would be spent alone. 

II.

She was thinking about the sky when it gets beautiful and big and makes you feel like the top of the rollercoaster, a small drop in your stomach, she could fall in. 

Like a good song that makes you miss your exit, keep driving on the highway, on a journey without a destination, is this what it means to get lost in the music? 

Like writing endlessly, with no limits, and no fear. Suddenly everything is inspiration. 

III.

She thinks love is bigger then even the sky, because no matter how far she goes it stays the same.

words and words and words

want to write more poetry because i know it’s good for my soul

like yoga, or foot massages, or laughter

i want to perfect an craft i’ve always felt most comfortable in, but leave neglected

a blanket i only pull out on the worst days

i want to be the girl with poetry in the notes section of her phone, fragments, words, over heard conversations

“you’re making us look like amateurs here!”

“mother would like this”

“can we get tea”

i want to be poet, claim the term like sorceress, heroine, an identity marker

i want words to be my currency

and everyday be pay day

i want to write i want to write i want to break down every dam inside of me 

every reminder of MLA format every math formula everything that built the walls that kept my poetry in i am Poet, Heroine, Sorceress

my favorite songs are the ones that start slow

same with kisses, and friendships, and memories

my favorite ideas are the ones that come fast

sitting up in the middle of the night heart pounding

my mind feels best when it gets to race

words and words and words

blessings

to the girl in the park who said she liked my glasses

i hope that your fruit is always perfectly ripe, and that you never skin your knees

to the man who held the door open for me yesterday

i hope your favorite songs on the radio finish just as you’re pulling into your driveway, and you never misplace your keys

to the cashier that called me honey and smiled wide

i hope your favorite tv shows are never cancelled prematurely, and your feet never fall asleep

to the universe, in total

i hope you soon find peace

a kind of nervous

being on the cusp of life is like

standing in line for the diving board

the kind of nervous that comes when

you don’t know what to fear exactly

because when you try to imagine what’s next

there’s an emptiness

the space below the surface that you can’t quite picture

a daily routine that you can’t yet know

and being ready to jump

but having to wait

your turn

without you

i stood tiptoe and reached high

put you on a pedestal and left you there

proceeded to spend years

trying to be enough, to join you

but indifference cannot be pleased

you didn’t so much fall off as

crumble away

and when i noticed

i climbed up to assess the damage

and found i liked the view