stomach cramps

I

Missing you like the ocean misses the sand rushing back in crashing waves, missing you

Like no one misses clichés

Missing you, the empty space between my fingers

II

Another year’s last breaths and I still feel uncomfortable during news anchor banter and when I’m asked to make a telephone call and I still haven’t built up a résumé or a time capsule or saved the world.

III

Another year’s last breaths and I became and am still becoming, and pride’s a funny thing because too much and too little are devastating, kind of like water, and I’m just trying to find the balance beam in between.

IV

They tell you you’re not good enough so they can sell you something and you tell yourself the same because you've started to believe it but you are good enough, they should put that in fortune cookies on ice-cream lids and between side walk cracks and everywhere else you’ll see it

VI

It isn’t the worst case scenario

VII

(This isn’t a poem) about missing you but I do. (This isn’t a poem)

when you are feeling caught up in the tide

Swim Strong
Kick hard
Look Inside
You have had your own guardians all your life

Swim strong
Kick hard
(24 ribs shaped to protect your heart)
You are more beautiful than the sum of every broken part

Swim strong
Kick hard
There’s so much left to do
Squeeze someone’s hand three times
(I, love, you)

there's reasons to breathe

The akward juxtaposition, humanity
Fulfillment a paradox
For every sidewalk, a skinned knee

But sometimes sore stomachs remind us
there is laughter, more contagious
then any disease

hold your own hand and
hold open the sails
here comes a breeze

{{ }}

i'm thankful for my anchor
but i hope our winds do change
so out of these choppy waters
we both can sail away

unimpressed we press on

connected to a screen i feel stuck

i don't know how to be awestruck

my generation is overstimulated, unimpressed,
and left craving human touch

we view what were "the good old days" as living life rough

drugs, dangers, pressing the limits have all come
because feeling is tough


patience is no longer veiwed as a virtue
but as a weakness
we demand
bigger
         better
                 faster
                         stronger

and have forgotten what peace is

night swimming

floating between two worlds
the water and the sky
almost weightless almost waiting
for the next airplane to fly by
thoughts drifting to the variety
of the passenger's lives

swallowing the expanse above me
and imagining it below
kicking feet for once graceful
following the flow

tomorrow i'm seeing a boy
who makes me feel warm
where i used to feel empty
the next day i'm going away
to live for a while
in a new city
either too personal
or political
i'm not sure i still care for poetry

a standing on moon landing

unlike those before me
i was not amazed
to see man walk on the moon
i was instead shocked to learn
we had not been more

it was years before i knew
we were not just trying to explore
but we walked
as a side effect
of war

hands

tight, angry, clenched into fists

callused from monkey bars

spread open wide as if receiving a gift

burnt from reaching for shooting stars

rough from a life of labor

clasped in an act of prayer

raised calling for the waiter

soft, stroking a daughter's hair

raising, shaking, tapping, typing

covered, criss-crossed in life lines

playing, punching, stretching, writing

yours fit perfectly in mine

outgrown imagination

when did we start letting ourselves 

outgrow imagination

as if it was last year's winter coat

why did we 

let go of the sensation 

we found between fairy tales and root beer floats 

We used to be pirates or princesses 

(if you were me, often times both)

But now we've moved on to "more important" interests 

A side effect of growth

We spend less then a decade

In the world of play, and "that's cute"

Then are told to put the fantasies away 

And abandon our own roots

So much cooler to be sophisticated, mature

and carefully unenthusiastic 

The unfettered excitement for unseen worlds and new friends

Lost in favor of upturned noses and sarcasm

Those feelings keep the mind young

And in the day to day we've forgotten

They can keep life fun 

but "fun's..... for kindergarten" 

"Hogwarts and Narnia and sheet-and pillow forts

those aren't real or realistic or right!

they aren't of the future-prep sorts!"

so we're given a red-light

but 

all the while

we base our lives on an imaginary concept we've created in our minds.

you ask the clock maker, not the "real world" if you want to know the time. 

so children, teenagers, and adults alike. imagining...is just fine. 

--

Preaching and

                      My pulpit

                                      Is a poem

Those closest to the sermon

Think that they already know it

I'd write something cheery 

For the concerned critic's sake

But whether misspelled, lacking rhythm or quality

My words

Are never

                Fake

I'm sorry this isn't 

Your neat ice cream swirl

Poetry is the ash of a burning world. 

Zealous Issues

Knock down the messages

Throw down the throne

Turn off the media

Condemn don't condone

Bodies on the TV

On the magazines 

Photoshop, made up made up

Skinny

Fake

"Pretty"

Natural's the new beautiful

Healthy is in vogue

Smart is the new sexy

Its okay to tell him no

Downpour

/ / / / / / /                   There's been a spoken word poem

/ / / / / /                      Outside your window all day

/ / / / /                         There's not much point

/ / / /                            In complaining of rain

/ / / 

/ / 

/ 

Note to Self

heartbeats and a harvest moon

good morning, good evening, good afternoon

goofy pictures, exchanging toons

too filled up with happiness, will have to make more room

The Cat Gets The Game

Tug of war
X's and O's
Its a war that no ones winning
A draw of tic tac toe

Your Song

Your voice is the one that always rang out loudest

Spoke up for me when I was to shy

"MY FRIEND WANTS TO ASK YOU A QUESTION"

We were barely four feet high

Your voice was the one that stayed steady

Didn't rise in shocked surprise 

Stayed quiet when it was best to be

Didn't spread secrets or tell lies

Nowdays, your voice is a little known treasure

Hidden, protected, rarely heard

Your voice is the best because it is yours

Don't let it fear the world 

Here

The moon is on average 250,000 miles away.

But with a brushing of fingertips, I'm there everyday.

I always regarded as most dangerous- space travel and the sea

But when I'm 

flying,

         drowning, 

                         slipping, 

                                      falling

you're 

          there

                   to

                      catch me

GRADES.SCHOOL.TESTS.COOL.

just want to beat the system
just want to slide by
"get ahead in your education"
try not to cry
a slipping sensation
always 5 steps behind.

In Response to "Tell all the truth but tell it slant..."

"Tell all the truth but tell it slant,
Success in circuit lies,
Too bright for our infirm delight
The truth's superb surprise;

As lightning to the children eased
With explanation kind,
The truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind" 

- Emily Dickinson


Tell the truth and tell it straight

Defeat in double meaning lies,

Too easy to sink in the shadows

And be broken by unsaid surprise

As resentment filled cracks build up

With no explanation of any kind

The whole truth finds itself broken

Shattered, hurt, and blind

End of the Day

It seems rather impossible
That I could feel so thoroughly
Both like the happily-ever-after princess
And Dudley Dursley

Wisdom from a Lack of Wisdom Teeth

Blink your eyes shut
A moment later wake up
"Good job sweetie,
you're all done"

Awful melodramatic
To make a metaphor of life out of surgery
But awful cinematic
A ticking clock like a pumping IV

And right now I've got some painkillers
And some pain in my jaw
But later on, when this is life's all over
Will someone say "Goodjob"?

Catwalk

Walking the runway
Painfully thin
Size zero dresses
Hanging off bones and skin

The average women is a size fifteen.
No one looks that way.

"Mommy mommy I want be just like those models someday!"

sky

there's an empty place inside
a dark spot in the sky
billions of years in the blink of an eye
a hopeless feeling- when a star dies

there's something so bright
remaining not fleeting
the moon in the sky
a constant safe feeling

there's smog in the air
blocking out the sky
you can't see the stars but
they still see you cry.

;

when you fall down eight times
stand up nine
there's no shame in not
being just fine

you could have quit but you kept
on trying
up to the plate you stepped
i'm proud even if you're crying

Thats something

I fell down the rabbit hole and stayed there a while
Added the emporer's new clothes to my laundry pile

School is cool.

I'm coaxing my printer like a dog with a toy
Ink levels low and on the last sheets of paper, you made it, good boy

But hey, At least it isn't two am
At least it is 12 whole hours before I have to turn this in

Essays and math problems, my to do list, take a look
I live by the deadlines, and I miss reading books

I squeeze in last second poems around notes and maps
And I'm forever fighting a battle with nap-attacks

Slumped over a desk, my constant station
Welcome to EDUCATION

today was a poem

White and two stripes red

Music and a swingset

Art and dancing shoes

Kid who knows he's cool.

Friday Haiku

Growing up is just
The monsters under the bed
Moving to your head

Stiches

The only rule to fairy tales

Is you can't wish

For more wishes

But sometimes you need just one more

When you nearly miss,

When there's near misses

Sometimes the mirror

Is a magnifying glass

Showing nothing 

But blemishes

Sometimes its the wounds inside that need fixing
But can't be fixed with any stitches

Not A Poem

I'm fresh out of inspirational quotes

Don't know what to tell you team

The secret I'm holding back is
I'd much rather be asleep

Can I show you to the door?

Can I direct you away?

Go read Emily Dickson if you

Want poetry today

This Has No Deeper Meaning

The paradoxical rain is the one that never falls

That's a metaphor for myself, because I don't understand it at all

If the only thing keeping us rooted is gravity

Then we haven't really learned anything, have we?

Isn't it funny how they'll try and pick this apart?

Dissect the body
Crack the ribs
Find a mechanical heart

Number A

I refuse

To be a statistic

The 25th or 95 percentile cannot determine my characteristics

I am not 

A size on sale

Or a grade point average on a weighted scale

A rank does not determine my worth 

Any more then a mirror does

I was given a number since the moment I entered this earth

But I am not just a number, I never was

I refuse 

To be a statistic

I'd rather be a jumble of letters

Individualistic 

HOW TO WRITE A POEM: A LIST

1. Dip your paintbrush in your bottle of tears
2. Leave everything you've learned about rhyme schemes outside
3. Exhale on to your paper all your fears
4. then the scariest part-                                                   write
5. Accept the fact you are not Sylvia Plath
6. ( You do not really want to be)
7. Don't focus on the aftermath
8. Sell your secrets, for the sake of poetry

You Grew Up

You're three years old and your paper airplane
Can
Touch
The
Sky

You're six years old  toes clenched on the edge
Of
The
High
Dive

You're 11 years and
someone
lost
their
life

Somewhere after that you
stopped
keeping
track
of time

And just about now
You're doing just fine

Please

There's a girl on roller blades in the street
and I was never that girl I stayed in, a geek
and I got less attention but i got less skinned knees
and I haven't felt lonely for 7 whole weeks
and I don't know how it happened
how I happened upon "happy"

and the fact is I used to write poetry for me
but these days I write poetry for you to read

Blow Out The Candles // Don't Blink

every moment comes back
between waking and sleep
every breath sucked in
every sigh of relief
she remembers the night
she called you from the swing
"i can't stop shaking"
she can't stop anything
one life is growing
one life's on the brink
life keeps rushing forward
every time that she blinks
sometimes the time hits her
so hard she can't breathe
and she starts missing the
wasted birthday wishes
she never thought
she'd need

Cheat

When your so frustrated

That you can't breathe

That voice comes out

Maybe its me

rhyme scheme. day dream.

I know I dreamed about you
Because I woke up feeling safe
I know you've watched close enough
To see the secrets cross my face

I know how to spend an hour
Staring at the ceiling
And I know that the scientists
Haven't found the antidote for feelings

I know there’s nothing harder to let go of

Then worn out worries

My particular brand of knowledge

Doesn't help on tests  

But it tells the best

Stories

Intro: A Letter to Myself

Rummage through
The back corners of your mind
Dig up inspiration
Set aside the time
Dip a metaphorical quill
In your metaphorical ink
In other words,
Boot up your computer screen

Qaunity over quality for this
Once a year holiday
And if people are kind enough to listen
Tell them what you have to say


Today marks the begining of National Poetry Month, check back for a poem-a-day :)  

Parched

I wish I could bottle up hope
And sip it throughout the day
Because though it is so fresh it the morning
The flavor slips away

//

I drew parallel lines across the sky
They never crossed, but you crossed my mind
I loose track of clouds, I loose track of time
I don't know what I'm doing but
I try

60/40

You think you can't hear your own sound

When you're drowned out by the orchestra

But you can make your own magic

If you write the formula

Who am I?

Where do I come from?

Are the questions of the age

I’ve heard singing the Beatles

Improves voice range.

Sarcasm and conversation

Make it rather hard to focus

A Wednesday night confession

I’m not really the poet

Heights

We aren't  afraid of falling.

We're afraid of hitting the ground.

Fear, just our body saying-

"don't die, stay around"

Danger Darling

She's a train running off the tracks

And she likes it

She makes dysfunctional look so beautiful

My constant heart attack