dear friend

he's not your everything for forever, he wasn't for you to have

he was the first to love you deeply, that doesn't mean he'll be the last

And you're broken and you're hurting so at one am you say his name 

but it doesn't have to be a tragedy that things won't be the same

sometimes good things grow apart but they're still. growing. 

and growing pains hurt so much but isn't that just showing

that you are still alive. 

(and life will still be worth living)

even storms make flowers grow

so please start building

a sanctuary inside, because it's okay to be alone 

and one day you'll surely find, a new hand to hold

love the memories, love what he gave you

but love yourself more, 

everyday and painful night

you're the one worth fighting for

cracked lungs

sadness something like paralysis 

numbness a disease

cracked lips 

but drowning

"a sip of water please"

chrysalis torn open

pandora's box slammed shut

no one is building ladders 

stuck in this rut 

fire and water

Some people just like to watch the world burn
but fire isn't the way to build things
despite all poetic thoughts
humans are not phoenixes
and the only thing that comes from ash
are sick lungs and deep coughs
be the stream of generosity
the refreshing waterfall
drown them if you must (kill them with kindness)
but do not burn it all

Dear World (words)

I would like to give you stories
Little pieces of my soul,
Bits of conversations strung together like flower crowns
I'm not very good at creating music like the birds
Or art, or dance, but perhaps I can give you words

I would like to be your raconteur
Poetry to show my redamancy
Give you halcyon lullabies
snippets that are natsukashii

Time

I would like to grasp the past and
Fold up my memories like an old quilt
Carefully bend and crease and slide into a drawer,
And take it out from time to time and always have it

I would like to dam the future
Cease it's impending flow,
Let in turn turbines instead of
Turning my head on my pillow
Keeping me up with it's pressure

I would like to  preserve the present
Crystallize the morning dew and
Bottle up the smell of you
And grow up but never grow older

We fear time because it is what we cannot control
It is the frontier of all, sand grains between fingers, everyone's end, pieces and the whole

Remembrance

Six million lights snuffed out
So many futures unknown
Never Forget// Never Again
Yom Hashoah

banquet

the recognition of futures both great and unknown

past meeting future under dinosaur bones 

phrases from old journals

I
she was much like shoulder blades

bony and not often thought of as beautiful,

but elegant in her own way

II
I am terribly afraid of being unimportant. We all want to matter, to leave our legacy. 

III
We shared glances. 

VOGUE: AP SEASON ISSUE

today i filled in bubbles denoting my base identity

my name, gender, grade level and various numbers assigned to me

forms in advance for easy placement, in looming APs

bags under eyes and fat review books are in vogue

pressure is in style

treat yourself to fresh breaths of air,

fellowship, and smiles

:)

Smiles tie better knots than boyscouts and

Some songs create tighter bonds than stakeouts and

Friendship can lift higher than caffeine 

And the world shines brighter when happy 

lift

my hands in defeat

and my spirits when they are low

heavy eyelids and heavy feet

currents against the flow

scar//ing

Running and chattering// When i was young

Fell on my knees// White teeth bit my tongue 

Mouth full of words// Filled with fresh blood

Mother was frantic// What to do// What to do

In my excitement// Almost was split in two

Working you're working// Late into the night

Stress//Study//Stress//Until the numbers are right

Bags under your eyes// Give your reflection a fright

Heavy eyelids and heart stress// What to do// What to do

In all your ambition// You may be split in two 

easter sunday

an open tomb

his open arms

my healed wounds

prince of peace returned

he is not here

he has risen

just as he said

spread the news 

rejoice! rejoice! 

an empty funeral bed  

warm & fuzzy

you are my laughter and 

you are my hearth

spreading from core to finger tips

a comfortable warmth

Good Friday

Darkness and the sinner's cry

Today I will see you in paradise

A slain perfect lamb, pure and unblemished

And Jesus said, "It is finished"

Lord and King sacrificed and denied as true

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do

Messiah lay dead for them and for me

Bleeding palms, heavy shoulders- grace to set free

no weeping at the reaping

cruel is not funny

rude isn't in vouge

when you climb stepping on others

you'll reap what you sow 

shining knights and shining comets; fight on

haley's comet travels on average, 365 times faster than your nerve signals
so it makes sense that you feel kind of small sometimes but you probably don't feel very slow
three hundred and sixty five days pass faster then we know
and it is easy in a crowded room to feel so alone
but twenty-five billion white blood cells are your knights in shining armor
Your eyelids have shut and rapidly opened 1200 times before breakfast,
blinking to refresh your windows to the world
you are regenerating skin cells and self-mending bones
don't ever feel there is no where left to go
because your body fights for itself, you are a shining comet of your own




You are all strong souls, but you don't have to be strong alone.  If you ever feel there is "no where else to go" please remember there are so many places in this world, people who would love to make you feel at home. 
US Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

gifted

with awareness of our privilege

comes a grateful sort of guilt

some sorts of knowledge make the flowers bloom

some just make them wilt

a generation of geniuses

who have cynicism up their sleeves

empty pockets, empty prospects

we see a mess//we want it clean

seeing past the media messages

seeing the struggle of the other man

modern day revolutionaries stuck behind our keyboards and our #rants

change the brightness on the screens like we wish to change the brightness of our futures

pollution, student debt, political gridlock

we were told we were smart// 

we are left bitter

 

 

gentle

bigger boots don't always mean better footprints

a ballerina's tiptoe's beauty outsteps the war march

flowers bloom in secret places

windchime tinkling is less harsh

voice the loudest

mindset strongest

unwilling to take advice

grenades, your shouts-- all drowned out

by sweet sounding compromise 

Palm Sunday

Praise him with Psalms

Lay the street with palms

Prophecy fulfilled, the triumphant entry

Gracious, loving, unexpected

In rides Jesus- King

saturday

sun, snowcones, soccer

sleeping on your shoulder

can the weekends never end

and let's never grow older

ahead

the weight of the world 

keeps me in bed

your laughter//your love

lifts me up instead

chaos//fried nerves

your voice in my head

squeeze of a hand 

you keep me looking ahead

everything that makes me round

i can not be easily organized into hashtags or labels on cardboard boxes

i am am not the square, straight and even, check the boxes that apply

i am curves, goosebumps, stubbed toes, parabolas like roller coasters of emotion

stacks of books, thick socks, chapped lips, dogged eared magazine articles and bookmarked websites

i am built on the skins that i shed, reinvented myself on the stars of tomorrows and yesterdays

sliding into clean sheets, bouncing up at alarms, hot water runs down me in spirals

memories tied to songs, bones mended from brokenness, hips where my sister sits as i

wrap one arm around her, wrap two arms around myself, in self-love not self containment

because i 

                cannot

                           be 

                               contained

i am the fireworks i used to fear i am sunshine and oxygen converted

to carbon dioxide pumping blood, a million cells, fears and tickled taste buds, perked ears, messy hair 

save your boxes i will not fit. 

reminders

be generous with your kindness

and cautious with your trust

passion grows with practice

dreams set aside will rust

do not regret nor lose yourself

because of late night doubts 

you will know when the end has come

because it all will have been worked out

golden worth

We assign value to what is rare

Diamonds, silver, and golden hair

You are worthy, you are sparkling, and wonderfully unique

There's not another one like you

And no other me

IF

if i had a dollar for every mistake
i'd be making more than minimum wage
but time
            not mistakes
                               is money
when your back's against the cage

and if the crowd would fade
                                         and the lights would dim
maybe i could see who was in my corner
but with the shifting alliances of
                                              day
                                                    to
                                                       day
                                                              life
you've got to keep a clear head and shining armor

who are you

sixteen point four two years and i still don't know

know i am five feet seven inches of layers of experience 

and skin

skin and it's regenerated approximately two hundred and twenty two times

times which are fraction of how often i've changed my mind

mind and it's learning what to save and what to spend

spend and when to break and when to bend

bend when i am daughter, sister, writer, friend

high five

when you are feeling sad:

1. Drink a glass of water

we treat sunburns with aloe vera, and have bandaids for raw skin.

 refresh yourself when you hurt within. 

2.  Do some jumping jacks

show your heart it can pump with unique finesse

don't let it remember it brokeness.

3. Listen to a happy mix

indie pop ballads and quick beats 

are there to remind you of your feet

4. List things you are looking foward to

even if today wasn't worth the pain

tommorow there are so many things to gain

5. Smile

your cheeks will resist the effort as folly but your mind will remember the feelings so jolly

-

this poem has been temporarily removed

we

we are a mixture of poetry and chemistry

one part nuclear attraction 

two parts sunshine and belly laughs 

i think of you sixteen times before breakfast

we are a balance beam 

and i'll only fall 

for you

adolescence and the green light fades

I

America the beautiful the promised land.

There’s no end to the sky there’s no burn to the sand

Six years old-- grasps a water-gun in gritty hands

II

Green lights fade, Gatsby’s dead and there’s red stop signs

Red like the debt and the lines in our eyes

Cynical-- seeing guns behind every headline

III

Frost thought we were escaping by turning to the sea

Beds neglected and we’re turning to the drug of caffeine

Neglected and forgotten

--The American Dream--

Palms

You can not go on with clenched fists

The only thing you will gain is 

Nail marks in your palms 

And sore muscles

You must learn to let go 

And learn that there are others whose hands can fill the empty spots in you own

You must push on but 

It need not be alone 

The clenched fists await the bruises 

And wait for the fight to start

Open hands are quick to welcome, 

The beginning of an open heart

Human

You are flesh and you are allowed to hurt
To feel
Tender, and raw, and weak
And to seek comfort in warmth

You are water like the earth you live on
You will feel waves and ripples
You will always be flowing but sometimes
There will be rough seas

You are bones and you are able to be strong
Heal yourself at amazing speeds
Grow and feel the growing pains

You are muscle and you
Grow stronger from the stress
Flexing, pulsing in every moment
A heart that never quits

You are human, every bit of you
Every bit that
hurts and flows and heals and grows
You are allowed and
You are able

You are loved in your brokenness
We are all broken sometimes
It is proof that we feel

You and I

The slender arched back of a park bench and a beautiful blue sky

If she could, she would sit next to him forever, and watch the world go by

Everywhere else life rushes head on, but together they stop time

Create their own infinities, forevers, languages and rhymes

He’s her anchor in the storm, steady, constant, stable

He’s her partner in dance and crime, who is also able

To make her cheeks go pink

And make her heart beat double beats

(And she’d sit on that bench for an eternity

Because it has all the magic she ever needs to see)