how to attend a party

i. 

don't double dip. 

ii. 

prepare answers to common queries

your college and major are undecided, yes you have a significant other, 

no you can't show a picture, 

yes, you have gotten taller. 

iii. 

do not discuss politics

or sex

or religion. 

if possible remove all traces of opinions from your being. 

brush up on sports references and clever jokes. 

iv. 

watch the adults get drunk and slink back to the kids table. hope someone produces a deck of cards. 

v. 

hide in the bathroom. stare at yourself in the mirror and attempt to see yourself as they see you, two dimensional, or not at all. 

vi. 

make a mental note to learn to juggle. you've been building your resume,but neglecting your repertoire of tricks

vii. 
compliment the host before returning home, exhausted.